Jealousy and What to Do About It

Hi friends,

Last year, I spent most of my weekends applying to jobs. I had been working at my office job for five years, and I was getting bored. I stopped learning new things long ago, and I needed a change. For a while, it felt convenient to have an easy office job. It was the reason I worked and went back to school full time during my writing program. But once the program was over, I couldn’t stand it anymore.

My friends, some of whom are younger than me, were getting promoted, moving to different companies, buying houses, and driving new cars. I felt jealous. I was happy for them because I think of them as good people who deserve the best opportunities life can offer. Still, I was suffering inside. Why not me? What bothered me even more is that I spent a whole year applying without getting a single interview. I scheduled more interviews right after college, with no professional experience, than I did last year with five years under my belt. There was clearly something wrong.

I considered learning how to code and making a major career shift. A friend of mine did that and ended up working for Google or Facebook, one of the giants who pay six figures while working from home.

I considered going back to school for yet another degree—a more practical one.

I considered quitting my job and taking my YouTube channel full time.

There I was, with a master's degree in creative writing, recalling everyone who told me that a writing degree wasn’t going to amount to anything.

Then I went to Yemen, and my soul was filled with gratitude. Despite what I was feeling about my “career,” I was in better living conditions than many people. This didn’t mean I was going to stop applying for jobs and stick to the job I hated. It just helped me realize that my frustration and jealousy wasn’t going to change my situation. So I kept applying, but this time whenever I received a rejection letter, I shrugged. I can still pay rent and bills, right?

Then a few months later, my office posted a new job position, one that had to do with social media, cameras, and videos—all the fun things I was learning since I started my podcast. I applied and got it. Today, I can’t believe I’m getting paid for what I do every day. It’s a dream job.

Anne Lamott, in her book Bird by Bird, says that jealousy isn’t something we can prevent, nor should we try to feel happy for those whom we are jealous of until our turn comes. What we shouldn’t do is let it fuel our self-loathing, but try to let it fuel our writing. Turn jealousy into material. Our characters are a depiction of different corners of our psyche, so allow them to experience the feelings that you feel in order for them to become three-dimensional.

Life is too short to spend it looking at others. We have too much already to be grateful for, and at the end good or bad, we will be in our death beds thinking not about job opportunities we missed, but beautiful moments we spent with those we adore.

💎 New From Me

I posted a video on my recent writing block, and my lack of joy for writing. This started as a journal entry in my notebook, which I turned into a video because the reflection helped me get back to the practice of writing 30 minutes a day. I hope it helps you too.

🔖 Quote I’m pondering

Do not seek your worth in the eyes of people; search for it within your conscience.

— Ibn al-Qayyim

📸 Through My Lens

Please give me feedback on the newsletter by replying to this email. Do you find it worth your time? What do you want more or less of? Or other suggestions?

Thank you for reading!

Mohamed